Saturday, February 19, 2005
in view of a certain IRISH teacher in cjc, i hereby dedicate this entry to him. forget all the dumb mat jokes, ancient chinese sayings and pick up lines... this one's for mr "bovine scatology".
An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since you have freed me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes."The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, "I'm feeling a might thirsty, I think I'll be wishing for a pint of stout."POOF! There is a pint of stout in his hand. He drinks it down, and starts to throw the bottle, when the genie says, "I'd look at that bottle again before I threw it if I were you." So he looks at the bottle, and it is magically filling back up with stout. The genie told him, "That is a magic bottle, and it will always fill back up after you finish it." The genie then asked, "What other two wishes can I grant for you?"The Irishman looks at the bottle in his hand and says, "I'll be taking two more of these!"
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?""That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guiness brewery." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me...""I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?""It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guiness Stout and drowned.""Oh dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?""Well, no Brenda, no.""No?""Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
"Paddy," asked the barmaid, "what are those two bulges in the front of your trousers?" "Ah," said Paddy. "They're hand grenades. Next time that queer O'Flaherty comes feeling my balls, I'll blow his bloody fingers off!"
